102 days Deo volente.

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If you are friend can you please respect my decision to keep certain things private? Is not that I want to be secretive but just like how you have your reasons for not telling me which small company you worked in last time, I also have my  reasons. So i would appreciate it if you don’t force me to do something I am not comfortable with 😊 no hard feelings


Do You Have to Go to Church to Be a Christian?

My brain keeps telling me you DON’T have to go to CHURCH to be a Christian, ya’know.

But here’s another point of view that I thin is accurate but hard to accept by me.

Is church attendance, if you’re physically able, a requirement to go to heaven? In a very technical sense, the answer is no. However, we need to remember a few things. Christ commands His people not to forsake the assembling together (Heb. 10:25). When God constituted the people of Israel, He organized them into a visible nation and placed upon them a sober and sacred obligation to be in corporate worship before Him. If a person is in Christ, he is called to participate in koinonia—the fellowship of other Christians and the worship of God according to the precepts of Christ. If a person knows all these things and persistently and willfully refuses to join in them, would that not raise serious questions about the reality of that person’s conversion? Perhaps a person could be a new Christian and take that position, but I would say that’s highly unlikely.

Some of us may be deceiving ourselves in terms of our own conversion. We may claim to be Christians, but if we love Christ, how can we despise His bride? How can we consistently and persistently absent ourself from that which He has called us to join—His visible church? I offer a sober warning to those who are doing this. You may, in fact, be deluding yourself about the state of your soul.

This excerpt is taken from What Is the Church? by R.C. Sproul. Download it and other free ebooks in the Crucial Questions serieshere.

Story of my life.

Still, there was the nagging feeling that there should be something more to life than slaving your days away for someone else’s dream while sitting through countless meetings wasting your precious life.

The Identity That Can Handle Both Failure And Success.

My previous blog post was during my period of unemployment. It was quite a dark period in my life where I was lost, felt suffocated and depressed. Looking back, I now understood why I felt that way. It is because in today’s’ culture, I’m told that my self-worth was based on having a good job, (preferably in a reputable company with high salary etc) coupled together with family’s and society’s expectations from me to achieve and be great at something.

I taught a degree from Monash would land me in those big MNCs. I thought working in prestigious companies meant an increase in my self-worth. Maybe people will like me more. Maybe I will get more respect. But, back then I didn’t even know what I want or where I am heading to. I was in the pitch dark just aimlessly floating in a vacuum of space. At least that was how I felt.

I’m not saying that work is not a good thing and not important but today, in our modern culture, work becomes our identity – it’s just not just what we do it has become who we are. Our identity. If we are successful it will go to our head, we have this inflated idea of our identity, thinking we’re more able and wise than we really are.

Worldly perspective: Your identity has to be achieved not received.

Christian perspective: Your identity is received NOT achieved.

Worldly perspective: I perform to be accepted by others.

Christian perspective: I’m accepted in Jesus Christ and I know who I am in Jesus , therefore I perform.

This means 2 things that : –

  1. Every other approach to identity either mean you can be bold and confident or humble and

If you think of yourself as open-minded, you HAVE to look down as someone you consider narrow-minded bigot. It is this need to put others down to feel superior.

2. We can be both bold and humble at once through Christ Jesus.

Bold : Because we know that He already love and accepts us just as we are with all our flaws.

Humble : Because although we are sinful and unworthy, He still choose to loves us.

Note: Most of the references and points made here are taken from Timothy Keller’s sermon of the above title.

Things has become increasingly difficult for me these past few days. The agony of it; the pain of having to go through certain life experiences.

I want to tell myself to keep holding on, keep holding on to the faith, keep my hope and faith in God.

Yet time and again, I’m feeling lost, helpless and anxious all over again.

I usually start off good but end bad because I have forgotten to hold on to the lessons I’ve learnt in the morning. I’ve forgotten to meditate those bible verses in my head throughout the day. And at night, when I lie in bed, I’m in an insomnia.

I’ve been watching Bubzbeauty vlogz recently (because her videos are a temporary remedy to my frustrations in life and with life itself)

She said something that struck me.

There was this part in the vlog where she showed her book with it’s front cover titled “Today is my day” where she writes down things she’s grateful for the day. And then, she proceeded to saying, “Each day is a chance to love, laugh and to learn.”

I should stop all this nonsense and carry on with life because each day is a chance to love, laugh and to learn. I should never let this chance go to waste.

If I could turn back time, I would have done many things differently.

Do I regret them? Yes, for now.

But I’m sure all things happen for a reason.

When I look back in the future, I won’t regret a single bit.


Thankfulness for the day (TFTD) : Thank God for an older sister (not just any older sister but a caring one too) to continuously guide me in my life.

Anyhoos, I realize that setting aside time for qt was a very difficult thing to do. I think that’s just me.

And yet, God still take the time, energy and the effort and spend it on me.

I understand that we can never give back to God as much as He have given to us.

But to just take 15 minutes from my 24 hours and be serious about qt was just..amazingly difficult and took a lot of determination.

I sometimes had to literally say things out loud to myself to be certain I’m going to do it.

“I will do my quiet time for today”

There you go, finally sat down with a bible in front of me.

A minute passed by and I’m still staring through the bible, with a lot of thoughts in my head.

The loud silence.

It’s so hard to focus on spiritual things, really.

Even as I walk through life, I don’t want to miss out on each lesson my father has to teach me.

Problems are blessings (even though sometimes I’ll be cursing my way through them)

But they make me into who God wants me to be.

And for that, I’m thankful.

See how I can go far off tangent? Back to where I strayed of. So, I had to bring my attention back to focus as I really wanted to hear what my father had to say to me. I read with an open mind. I thought to myself “May I not twist and bend God’s word into something that fits my desire but rather let the Word bend me to fit into God’s desire.” I have yet to master that.

This isn’t a testimony. I think right now, I’m sort of going through a facade. Through a phase in life. Another chapter. A transition. My friend(s) told me “We want the cheerful Carina back!”

Not to worry, my friends. I believe the joyful me will be back for sure. It just takes time.

Right now, it’s just time for the wine to age and for the cheese to be fermented. The process if long, tiring and painful. But when the time is up, I hope to come out of it, tasting real good.

Thank God for a supportive cg where I can just rant and share my problems to them and that they’re willing to listen, help and pray for me and my “life’s baggage”.

Sometimes I wonder if their views of me changed after my rant or after sharing my thoughts and plans. It’s quite hard for me to share my problems sometimes because I’m afraid to be under the judgmental views of others who hears me.

Not sure about others but I have this tendency to judge others. And that’s bad. I hate it when I do that. Trying to change. 😦

Anyhoos, in the midst of sharing I gave this analogy: “You know, my heart is like a little office full of politics”. They laughed and said that statement was cute.

Never occurred to me that it was a cute statement.

Although I never planned to come off as cute, I was surprised that I found pleasure in that compliment of me sounding cute. Oh my.

I really need to socialize more.

I thank God for a good and genuinely concerned neighbor.

She’s not a Christian.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s me you’re thinking about.