102 days Deo volente.

Month: April, 2012

Willing to die but not willing to live for Jesus?

Just a random thought.

Which would be easier? To die or to live for Jesus.

Both requires surrendering of our lives to him coz ultimately our lives are not our own. But wouldn’t it be much easier to die for Jesus than to live because when you’re dead, you automatically give up everything; your dreams, hopes, wishes, relationships, things, activities etc.  There’s nothing else you could do cause well -you’re dead and nothing more than a piece of trash, biodegrading away 6 feet underground.

IMHO living for Jesus, is harder.

He gives me everything yet He requires me to willingly surrender it all. Deep in my heart I am willing because I know surrendering would bring forth much fruit, I will grow and learn more. But my action doesn’t speak the same. There is this constant struggle, almost like a hate-love relationship.

Anyway, this is just my opinion and it doesn’t necessarily have to be correct. Besides, what would I know about dying for Jesus; I have never been there.


Why is the MoFA website super laggy?! Gah.


Am gonna start applying for visa and its time to hit overseas…again! ;p Hello sugah, baybeh!

Kinda worrying that I have lots of assignments piled up but I’m not doing anything about it.

But fo sure, I’ll always get it done and that’s just how I roll. What an ultimate procrastinator. Win.

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,
Spreads o’er His body on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,
And all the globe is dead to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

[Added by the compilers of Hymns An­cient and Mo­dern]

To Christ, who won for sinners grace
By bitter grief and anguish sore,
Be praise from all the ransomed race
Forever and forevermore.

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Galatians 6:14

Quotes and thoughts.

” I don’t think it’s healthy, in any profession, to be too caught up in what you do. It’s great to be devoted, but if you don’t allow yourself to draw impressions from the rest of the world, you are denying yourself lots of inspiration, which can be alpha and omega in developing further.” – Henrik Lamark, Győr National Ballet

“A writer is someone who spends years patiently trying to discover the second being inside him, and the world that makes him who he is: when I speak of writing, what comes first to my mind is not a novel, a poem, or literary tradition, it is a person who shuts himself up in a room, sits down at a table, and alone, turns inward; amid its shadows, he builds a new world with words. This man – or this woman – may use a typewriter, profit from the ease of a computer, or write with a pen on paper, as I have done for 30 years. As he writes, he can drink tea or coffee, or smoke cigarettes. From time to time he may rise from his table to look out through the window at the children playing in the street, and, if he is lucky, at trees and a view, or he can gaze out at a black wall. He can write poems, plays, or novels, as I do. All these differences come after the crucial task of sitting down at the table and patiently turning inwards. To write is to turn this inward gaze into words, to study the world into which that person passes when he retires into himself, and to do so with patience, obstinacy, and joy. As I sit at my table, for days, months, years, slowly adding new words to the empty page, I feel as if I am creating a new world, as if I am bringing into being that other person inside me, in the same way someone might build a bridge or a dome, stone by stone. The stones we writers use are words. As we hold them in our hands, sensing the ways in which each of them is connected to the others, looking at them sometimes from afar, sometimes almost caressing them with our fingers and the tips of our pens, weighing them, moving them around, year in and year out, patiently and hopefully, we create new worlds.” — Orhan Pamuk, Nobel Prize in Literature acceptance speech, Dec 2006
“One advantage in keeping a diary is that you become aware with reassuring clarity of the changes which you constantly suffer and which in a general way are naturally believed, surmised and admitted by you, but which you’ll unconsciously deny when it comes to the point of gaining hope or peace from such an admission. In the diary you find proof that in situations which today would seem unbearable, you live, looked around and wrote down observations, that this right hand moved then as it does today, when we may be wiser because we are able to look back upon our former condition, and for that very reason have got to admit the courage of our earlier striving in which we persisted even in sheer ignorance.” — Franz Kafka

“My English is terrible, our college isn’t famous, and experience is more valuable than education.”



‎…where prayer has been offered, our heavenly Father has gone far beyond what we have asked or thought. I said unto the Lord in the anguish of my soul that if he would forgive my sins I would be content to be the meanest servant in his house, and would gladly lie in prison all my life, and live on bread and water; but his mercy did not come to me in that scanty way, for he put me among his children and gave me an inheritance. “Make me as one of thy hired servants” is a prayer the Father does not hear; he puts his hand on his child’s mouth when he begins to talk so, and says, “Bring forth the best robe and put it on him, put a ring on his hands, and shoes on his feet.”

We have asked for a stone and he has given us bread; we have asked for bare bread and he has given us angels’ food. For brass he has given silver, and for silver gold. We looked for a drop and the rain has filled the pools; we sought a morsel and he has filled us with good things; and therefore we are warranted in expecting that in future he will still outdo our prayers.


I really don’t like how this is going. I don’t know why I’m feeling kinda down lately. I felt like I just saw a glimpse of heaven and being on earth is just so dead crappy. I felt like going to heaven straight away, like as soon as I saw that glimpse. I just really wanted more of the awesomeness I saw before my eyes. Yet, it was so far from me. It vanished before my eyes. And now that I realize I still have a long way to go before reaching heaven, I feel like giving up halfway. I feel like the battle has been lost. I feel like time is just catching up too fast with me. I feel like time has been speeding too fast and I’ve got left behind, in the past.

I just want to live in the present situation.

I want my present.

Everlasting Jesus

Everything that God allows us to come our way is with a purpose. He uses even the greatest error and deepest hurt to mold us into a better person.


Skipping cg for assignments – I think God was trying to say, see how much time you can save, in the end you’ll find yourself saving nothing but disappointments.

Broke my multicooker cover – God needs to show me how careless and unaware I can be.

There’s many more actually but I guess I’ll just make them lessons to learn and keep for myself. Baaahaha.


Such a miserable weekend.

1. Friday I missed cg coz I wanted to use the time to finish my major assignment – until now it is not finished!

2. Missed 3  deals but to make myself feel better – let’s just say that I didn’t want to spend any money at all.

3. Didn’t get any exercising done.

4. Didn’t get practically anything done.

5. To make things worse, I broke my multicooker cover because of my own carelessness

6. I found 3 weevils in my room around the same place – where are those little bastards coming from?!! I checked the rice there was none!

7. I broke my multicooker cover and can’t make dinner.

8. I had no dinner.

9. Hence, I ate crap for dinner

10. I miss Xsocam… A. LOT.

I remember back in the days where me and my housemate would emo shit over the Xsocam server getting down but usually it was just temporarily (like a few minutes if not hours). Back then, a short while of that was like eternity in hell for us. But now, there really is no Xsocam anymore so….no choice but to accept things the way it is and move on. Thinking about the good old days and my current days, comparatively, I really have no life at all. If Xsocam was still around, at least I could’ve ask if anybody had a spare multicooker to lend me to cook my dinner. Now, there’s just communication breakdown. I feel like I’m totally on a deserted island, away from any form of communication.